I did not have a good weekend.
Here is the is spot on the floor where Stormaggedon decided he wanted to wee all over instead of telling me he needed the potty.
Here is the “train” that Stormaggedon created using his wonderful imagination and a combination of toys to put together. (I kicked it with my foot in my rush to the kitchen to get towels and cleaning liquids.) And here is where it landed when I threw it out of the way in my anger and frustration.
*Note. Yes, I have staged this photo slightly. It’s not like I decided to take this photo immediately after kicking it. This was approximately where it landed and how it looked when it landed.*
Here is my uneaten lunch because I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up Stormy, then trying to keep him out of the way as I cleaned and sanitised the floor.
And here is the corner where I sat down and cried because everything was once again getting to me.
When I said I didn’t have a good weekend, I meant that I wasn’t coping emotionally.
I think it hit me really hard because it’s been a very long time since I had a moment like this. Life has become surprising easy as of late. I’ve been happier, enjoying life and enjoying almost every moment with my son. Frustrations have really only been in the form of toilet training. So I think because he had been finally “getting” it and then this happened, the happy façade suddenly came crashing down. Now before anyone goes judging me about losing my cool in front of my child, let it be known that I had in fact taken him upstairs to be changed and told him to play up there whilst I cleaned downstairs. I think the fact that he wasn’t in my presence was why I allowed myself to release the angry emotions while I could. And I’ll admit, it felt good.
I tell this story for those who may look at me or others that they know who appear to be “coping”. Who they think have their lives all figured out. Perfect children and perfect lives. You may look at friends on Facebook who have children and all you ever see are beautiful smiling photos and glowing posts about how wonderful and brilliant and cute and adorable and funny their children are. And you look at yourself and think “Why can’t I have that life?” Well I’m here to say, YOU ALREADY HAVE THAT LIFE! Nobody posts photos of children chucking tantrums (unless they’re for hilarious reasons. Check out reasons my kid is crying), or how they cried until they threw up (and yes, I’m talking about the adults here), or chucked their children at their partner as soon as they walked in the door after work so they could go upstairs and sit and stare at the wall, grateful to not have someone hanging off their leg or pulling their hair for five minutes. And then maybe go and pee in peace for once.
Life is full of wonderful moments, but even the most calm and level headed person with the “perfect” children will still have moments of frustration where everything collapses around them. Remember it’s ok to have these moments. Don’t even have them with grace and dignity. Seriously, just let it rage with arms and legs flailing, with hair like a maniac and tears streaming down your face. You might even be wearing make-up at the time. Embrace those panda eyes. And when the moment has ended, pick yourself back up, take a deep breath and tell yourself that “this too shall pass.”
Then head back into the fray, spend the next 30 minutes trying to get the perfect smiling picture of your perfect cherub, and post it on Facebook. Just to let the world know you’re ok. Because let face it, we ALL know that’s what we’re ALL doing!
*On an aside note, admittedly this was actually a few weeks ago. Since that time Stormy has finally started toilet training properly. Amazing how I write about how he’ll NEVER do something and then suddenly he does. We’ve had one or two more accidents in that time, but mostly he now understands to hold, to ask to go, and to tell us that he needs to. We’re not there yet, not by a long shot, but at least this is finally another box to tick on the long list of “Things our children must learn for themselves”.